Hope Over Fear

I wrote this blog while working for Teacup Wellness and published in June 2018--- but it's worthy of reposting! 

Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.

Think about any fear... any fearful time in your life. Maybe it was...

Fear of failure

Fear of unknown

Fear of someone or people or groups of people

Fear of something

Fear of change

Fear things were never gonna change

Fear for your life

Fear for someone else's life

Fear of death

Fear living

A fear totally in your head...

What got you through it?

Hope.

Maybe you can say love... peace... strength... but doesn't it all boil down to hope?

Hope can be a religion.

Hope can be a person.

Hope can be a place.

A family.

An idea.

A purpose in life.

A dream.

A goal.

An inspiration.

An ideal or vision.

Hope can be something you can feel and touch... something you see in yourself or other people ... it can be something you think or dream about. Hope can be whatever works for you at that time.

Maybe at one time a person brought you that hope. They kept you away from feelings of fear and restored your hope for mankind. Maybe hope was that someone needed you... someone was watching over you... that your mission wasn't done. Whatever brought you hope....gave hope the upperhand in the fear vs hope battle.

It doesn't matter what you call it. It doesn't matter what fuels the source of hope. All that matters is that we remember that the emotion - hope- is the only thing stronger than fear.

When fear takes over, find hope. Look for it. Take it out of your back pocket. If one hope card doesn't work... try the next.

Fear cannot win over hope unless you let it.

But once you realize you have this ability... to choose which emotions are stronger... when you take that control back ... THAT'S when you find that HOPE card you keep stored somewhere.

It is not always easy. Sometimes fear can feel crippling. It can kill us in an instant or slowly with time. It can break us down physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... it can make us scared, lonely, angry, bitter, resentful, ugly, soulless, misrible, revenge-seeking, outcasted, and too many other feelings that can overpower any idea or glimmer of hope.

But hope was there before. You had it. You know what that feels like. You know what things, people, ideas, purposes bring you those feelings of hope .... what are you waiting for?

Make a list ... do you feel fearful in any way? Frightened? In your head? Real life?

Fear and finding hope

• My best friend, male version of me, enlisted and left for the military. Scared he would die, scared I'd never see him again, scared he'd die and would never know he had someone always rooting for him. Feared for him. Fear for myself. Fear Id never say goodbye. Fear our world would not be the same without him in it. Feared he'd never make it back. Fear he'd spend his life at battle and never know happiness himself. Fear that he'd unselfishly devote himself to others and forget himself... every year on his bday I would stalk his MySpace and Facebook. Id see pictures, know he's alive, and know he's happy. I couldn't live in fear he died somewhere and I didn't know about it. I couldn't live in fear that he was misrible somewhere around the world. I needed hope. I found him every year, in my own way, hopeful he was still doing what he did best and living the life he wanted. I was hopeful he knew he was missed, appreciated, and loved. Hopeful I'd be able to hear him laugh at ridiculous jokes. Hopeful he was always happy. Hopeful he felt he was living his purpose. Hopeful he was checking in on me, secretly knowing I was holding down the fort and still kicking butt.
• I feared failing my daughter. For a long time I felt she never had the traditional family. She saw too much. She hurt too much. She saw her mother hurt too much. I feared I failed her. I can't live with fear, it doesn't sit well with me. It's a feeling of uncomfort and almost like I'm being smothered. I needed hope for myself and for my daughter. I hoped that I set an example for her that my actions are exactly what to do when someone disrespects you as a woman or as a person. I hope my example shows her that we can't make excuses for our shortcomings in life. You saddle up, ride them out, take your falls, and you get back on. Sometimes you'll be so injured you don't see any chance of riding again and when she feels like that she hope she remembers her mother let any thing stop her. Her mother defied all odds. Her mother wasn't a statistic. And I get through this fear by being confident in my actions and all my intent, with no regrets. I hope she knows it. I hope she sees it. I hope she knows she is my hope. I hope I tell her enough. I hope I hug her enough. I hope she's even stronger than me and helps others get stronger than her .
• Working in the prison, I had moments of fear for my life. Which quickly became fears of sexual assault. As a sexual assault survivor, not once but twice, the fear of another sexual assault by inmates was a feeling that can make or break a person. For some reason, I needed that reality check every day. I checked my fears at the door, I walked out with confidence and hope every night. Hope that my communication techniques could diffuse heated debates. Hope that if a situation occurred that my 3 layers of clothes I wore every shift, would be enough of a deterrent and deal breaker that one of my boys would find me in time. Hope that one of the ranking officers with morals and integrity would be working my shift. Hope that none of my boys ever had to save my life. Hope that none of my boys, would risk their lives because of me. Hope that Id never catch a disease. Hope that maybe I'd learn from them, learn to watch people, read people, understand and feel from their level of understanding and feelings. Hope that Id see my daughter's face at 1am when I picked her up from a nanny's house. Hope that my daughter would never have to lose her mother. I walked through the gates with fear for a long time... but hope kept me alive.
• I feared my e xs. I feared my life. I feared my daughter would be emotionally damaged seeing anything she saw. I feared sleeping next to them. I feared their families. I feared for my life, their lives', my daughter's life, the foster children's lives. I was so scared. It broke me. I never knew a real fear that could knock me down so low. Not someone like me. I feared I had become weak. I feared they won. I feared that I lost. I told friends and family I was defeated. I had no more fight. I said that to maybe 6 people and I said it as I was dying. My health got so bad, I couldn't work. I couldn't function. Drs diagnosed me with a laundry list of medical issues. I didn't care. I had no hope. I was defeated. I was fearful. I was scared for my life. I was scared to die by these people or by my own illnesses. I couldn't see silver linings. It felt like every time I pulled knives outof my back, I would get three more to vital organs. I had never felt defeat like that before. I will never be defeated like that again. I almost gave up the fight? Not me. Not today. Not yesterday. Not ever. I'm a lot of things and many choice names, but never have I ever been called a quitter, cheater, or normal. I needed hope. I found hope knowing I couldn't help these people. I found hope knowing I didn't deserve it. I found hope knowing that there were real people with real souls in the world and that love could never hurt you. Love would never want to he the source of your pain physically, mentally, and emotionally. I found hope knowing I could show my daughter how to be strong. I found hope knowing I had a few real friends I could always count on. I found hope knowing that maybe I just wasn't right for them and maybe their normal chaotic ways are perfect for someone else. I found hope knowing I was free from the puppet game and could be myself without fear. I found hope while fearing for my life because I was able to remember lessons from people that love Me, what love looks like, feels like, sounds like, and radiates like. Remembering, knowing, and having that hope for a true love for people is possible, I was able to rise above the fear of them, forgive them and forgive myself, hope them the best, and hope them goodbye forever.
• My long list of pretty traumatic fears could fill a novel, and may someday, but the main lesson I've learned is that hope always destroys fear. It's a question of which one you let take the reins.
• I don't know about you but I've played Fear vs Hope reality game show and I'm too ready to live to ever entertain fear again. How about you? Let me know.